Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Renewal and Thanks.

Ethan returned home Sunday evening from a week vacationing around Southern California with the Kurtz Family. Going to California, Disneyland, Sea World and the beach was just what Ethan needed. What Ethan got, was a week to evaluate the importance of family, communication and his life goals. What he experienced was a week with a family he loves, adores and treasures. Each member of the Kurtz family holds a special place in Ethan's ever expanding heart. Each day brought new experiences and memories Ethan will hold dear. The evening brought down time, time to really get to know one another through life histories, laughter, and tears. What Ethan learned was friends are more alike than different, age is only a number, friendships are the reward for taking chances with those we don't know.

Ethan and I hit a little rough patch prior to his leaving. After having a week away both of us had a chance to revisit the situation, words that were spoken and the feelings of frustration we both harbored. I found myself really taking inventory of my relationship with Ethan. I found I really missed his companionship, his great sense of humor, our late night conversations on life, love, relationships, the daily news, friends, spiritual topics, my daily hugs and kisses, the daily text messages and updates on face book. I paused long enough to feel his absence and renew my commitment to breathe, enjoy the ride, live in the moment and let the non essentials go.. Its so easy to get caught up in heated and frustrated moments. Easier to loose my temper, easiest to speak words that are angry, words that encourage silence, distance and hurt.

As we sat on the couch...Ethan shared his experiences with Marty, Stephanie, Jennifer, Haley, Kayla and Zach. Many times there were no words to express his love and appreciation for the Kurtz Family, only tears. He mentioned one late night conversation with Stephanie in particular, (I met Marty and Stephanie when Stephanie's mother passed away). As the conversation turned towards the night before Ethan left...Stephanie assured Ethan that relationships between parents and children are difficult and strained at times, but in the same breath she told Ethan about regrets....regrets of childish selfish behavior towards her mom at times. What she wouldn't give to go back to those hard times and make them right...and how desperately she missed her mother. In a precious teaching moment she helped my son understand another perspective. The dangers of taking those we love for granted and more important life is to short, unpredictable and fragile to spend time being resentful.. As Ethan spoke the tears continued free falling, he expressed his love and appreciation for me, my example and my courage. I have tried unsuccessfully to express my thoughts and feelings here tonight....What I can express is....I wouldn't trade my days of raising my kids for ANYTHING. I have been present and accounted for through out their lives, I have prayed with my kids, kissed hurts, wiped tears away, bought prom dresses, wedding dresses, rented tuxedos, fixed breakfast after Homecoming dances, taught them how to drive the car, provided a loving home that smells like cloves and cinnamon...taught them to love each other, to serve others, to believe in miracles, to exercise kindness.......the greatest blessing in my life raising my children. Then Ethan expressed his desire to be a fabulous future husband and father it again brought tears to my eyes..

As I share this experience with you...my heart if full....actually overflowing... I give thanks for everything, everyone and every moment I have had raising my children. There have been many difficult moments, more exhilarating moments...but I have stayed the course. I have grown into Motherhood...and learned to love the ride.

Marty and Stephanie...even I am at a loss to express my love and profound gratitude for your righteous influence, the sacred trust which has been created, the unconditional love and constant encouragement you show Ethan. You may never know the seeds you have planted...and the bountiful harvest that is to come....Ethan's perspective has been renewed and opened to the realm of possibilities..


Love you..

Carla

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